Obligatory ‘weird things that you’re googling to get here’ post

What’s the best thing about blogging? Knowing that people other than your friends and family (Hi dad!) read your blog. And I know strangers read this because I have thousands of readers. (well, ok, tens usually… but thousands if you count that time I got 9,500 views in a day thanks to a weirdly popular reddit story.)

But the point is that thanks to the power of WordPress I know that there are people I don’t know personally who stumble upon this. So…

Hi there! Judging by what you’re searching for when you find this I’m not entirely sure I want you to stick around. Only kidding! I love you. I love all my readers. I’m desperate for attention. Never leave me, ok? I’ll give you everything you ever want. Which incidentally happens to be:

“wincy shek“. What is this? I have no idea. But a few people have found Hookjab by googling for it. Which is strange, as I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it before now.

“how bad is the Tornado F3” Really? I think it’s kinda cool.

“Kylie” “KYLIE” “Kylie Minogue” Not really what you were looking for, huh.

“a word for ”Im right and your wrong‘” …and yet without an apostrophe you’ll always be wrong.

“hookjab” “hook jab” Writing that ‘hooks’ you in to ‘jab’ you with ‘punchy writing’! Geddit? This is a blog about writing that uses boxing terms as weak puns! how clever is that.

“some of my best friends are graphic” Is this a confession or a boast? I’m intrigued.

“Address for May & Kilner, Solicitors” Sorry, never heard of them.

“Press release” “How to write a press release” “tips for writing a great press release” Actually something relevant! Consider this my gift to you.

“Animated clipart of boy writing” Not here, not now, not ever. Go away.

“bbc 1997 website” Hilarious isn’t it.

“writing email on hotmail and lost it” Aw, bad luck. And you came here looking for help presumably, and I gave you nothing. So have some retrospective sympathy.

“catriona irving you are so beautiful” Yes she is, but she’s also a good friend of mine and it’s weird that you’re pouring your heart into google. She can’t hear you through the internet, y’know, and for that I am glad. Now back off, weirdo.